Bright sunlight speckles foliage up the hill across the dark
brook; pale yellow on the thick covering of dark green leaves. The foliage
currently hides homes on the next road over.
Fallen branches along the brook reach long, bony fingers
along the shoreline and onto rocks. Two different fingered branches look to be clasping
a big rock as if trying to hold it out of the water. A big piece of log is
wedged in the crevice of a massive boulder in the middle of the brook. Every
once in a while, a shimmer in the water catches my eye as a bit of sunlight
slips through the trees.
I’ve been struggling the past couple of years. I can blame
some on the “plandemic” and the constant barrage of bad news, but other life
issues have seemed to escalate lately, too. Rising costs, home maintenance, an
old body wearing out, etc., seem to compound issues into emotional massive
crash and burns.
The Sept. 2 “Sunday Coffee” email from Eric Rhoads on “Worry
About Worry” was very meaningful. What? Does he know who I am and what I’ve
been emotionally going through? No, it’s not just about me. Many people
experience the same things; maybe not exactly the same scenarios, but the similarities
show we are not so all alone.
I enjoy Rhoads’ insight and his topics often hit home. I
love how he writes – he always starts with wonderful descriptions of the beauty
around him. Then he continues into the main body of the current subject. His
comments are always on point and helpful. Plus, he often includes personal
story to further show how he also experiences some of these issues and how he
overcomes them.
Rhoads said, “… experts say depression is often driven by the
perfection that others appear to be living.”
That’s what I think, even though I’ve never said it so
clearly. And this is one of the reasons I insist on writing about real life,
personal life… not telling a fairy tale or only talking about all the wonderful
things that happen. I truly believe it’s important to talk about all aspects of
life. We shouldn’t have to hide who we are and are experiencing for fear of
making someone else uncomfortable.
That said, care does need to be taken with who we admit
things to. We can’t admit some topics to just anybody in conversation, but writing
speaks to some allowing others to ignore it if it doesn’t apply to them.
Rhoads also said, “If we allow worry and fear to consume us,
we make life harder.”
This is something I’m working on as I’ve fallen into that
hole. This is also a reason why I can’t listen to mainstream media news. It’s
all depressing and leads me to believe there is no help for the country. Lately,
it seems the news only has the negative. If I’m not careful, I succumb to only
seeing the world as a negative place and there being no hope for mankind.
Then I read about people taking road trips and seeing beautiful
places around the country. See, it isn’t all bad news. There are wonderful
things out there. It’s sad that I’ve chosen not to go on any more adventures.
It’s almost kind of funny. After daring to go on a solo
driving trip in 2013, doing another in 2015, then one to a wedding in Wichita
in 2016, I thought I would continue doing a lot of travel and writing travel
books. It was so wonderful and fun seeing parts of the country and sites I’d
never visited before.
What happened? Why did I stop going places?
It started because of fear. As much as I loved driving, there
were moments of intense fear. Traveling alone doesn’t give you anyone to rely
on. I’m uncomfortable in heavy traffic and city areas are not comfortable.
Sometimes I wasn’t sure what lane I was supposed to be in.
However, the beauty and joy of the sights seen were sometimes
breathtaking. Acres of rolling farmlands, incredible heights of mountain ranges
with jaw-dropping scenery, crossing rivers over spectacular bridges, and finding
spur-of-the-moment places to visit added to the adventure made the journeys
unforgettable.
Unfortunately, I gave in to the fear, the stories of
violence, road rage, and more. There are the expenses, too, which have risen
out of control. Even if I wanted to visit other states, these days, besides being
afraid, I don’t feel I can afford to travel anymore. Oh, well. Guess I’ll just
concentrate on my art. It works for me.